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ICECOLDKILLA

Short tiberium story

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The Scrin

 

We just finished off the last of the Nod bases in the area. When we got the word that objects from space crashed into major red zones all over the word. All the pain the world goes through with tiberium and they show up. We were told in a mission debriefing that there called the scrin and we were also told that we have to check out one of the cities they’ve attacked and try to take it back.

 

On the way there I said, “I bet I can kill more than twenty with on clip!” Just to break the silence.

When Rico, the sniper of the Squad, said, “I bet I can make twice that in head shots!”

“If they have h-h-heads.” said Time with fear in his voice. It got silent again for about an hour.

Later when the A.P.C. came to a stop we all climbed out of the small cramped vehicle and begun to stretch. When I looked up it was nothing out of the average tiberium growing all over and nothing but a waste land. But when I turned around to see what the big deal was. The wall around the city was gone and the sonic emitters were down. We were told just check the damage and I could see a lot of it. The driver told us the A.P.C. could take use no farther.

 

The sun was at its high point in the sky and we’ve been walking for about two hours. Tim screamed out, “d-d-did you see that!”

Rico just looked at him and said, “Dude you have to stop jumping at your own shadow” he said with grin on his face.

Right when Texs shouted, “What the hall happened to the base!” We all started running towards what was left of the recon base. The power was down and there were a couple of mammoth tanks chopped in half and ripped apart. There were bodies all over. The ground was covered in blood. As I saw this I was thinking what could have done this. Something grabbed me, it made me flinch. I looked to see what it was. It was this man ripped up with holes straight threw him.

He cried out, “They came from no were and j-just” then just like that he had died and there was nothing I could do.

The colonel later told us in, what used to be a barracks, to get the power on as soon as possible. I didn’t think it was possible with the condition the base was in. Tim started to work on the power while the rest of us tried to clean up the bodies.

“There it was ag-g-gain” shouted Tim. Rico just laughed and right before he could say something, there was this loud buzzing sound, like mutated tiberium bees but ten times louder.

 

We couldn’t see what it was with the ruble from all the fallen buildings and it was starting to get dark. The noise got louder and louder, when I heard Jake scream for help. I looked over to see what it was. There was this swarm of razors around him. They were just ripping him apart. None of us knew what to do. The swarm left and we shot at it but the bullets went straight threw. I ran over to Jakes Body. There was nothing left but dust and blood all over the ground.

 

The colonel yelled, “What the hell is going on!” Seconds after saying that, this giant bug looking thing rose up from under the ruble. Dust was in the air and all you could see was glowing green coming from the bug. The dust started to settle and from the looks of it the bug was filled with liquid tiberium. The bug let out a roar and then started spaying tiberium all over the place. We shot rounds after rounds. Tiberium was pouring out of its back from all the holes we put into it. Mark got hit by tiberium and it mutated him so fast he didn’t ever look human. Rico took cover in one of the mammoth tanks and shot right into one of this creatures many eyes until it went down. I heard a generator fan from one of the power converters. Light turned on and so did the base defenses. Two small turrets started pumping out bullets in to the tiberium throwing bug until it went down.

 

I went into the barracks to see what the colonel was going to do. When I got there he was yelling over the radio, “We need reinforcements!”

The man on the other side said, “The radar shows the area your in is covered in scrin, but I can try and get you something by morning.”

“So what do we do now?” I said to the colonel.

“We pray” then the ground started to shake. I ran out side to see what it was.

“I got something in my scope!” Rico yelled out.

“Another b-bug” Tim said with fear in his voice.

“No this is something much much bigger.” The ground continued to shake and in the distances I could see buildings start to fall.

Tim fell to the ground crying, “Were not going to make it were all going to die!”

The colonel walked up to him and slapped him right in the face and said, “Pull your self together boy, now we are all in this till the end and we fill fight to the end.” Tim wiped the tear from his eye and grabbed his gun and went back to work on the sonic emitters.

 

Suddenly the buzzing was back and we all ran for cover when we saw the green glow in the dark. The buzzers stared to come into the light but turret barrels started to spin and with some bright flashes and some shells hitting the ground they all fell to the ground. The tiberium spitting bugs came soon after. I started shooting when from be hide me I heard a revving up sound. I looked and saw that Tim got the sonic emitters online. With a wave of dust and a loud boom one of the bugs was chopped right down the middle. I would have never guessed the emitters, used to keep tiberium from growing, would do that much damage. Liquid tiberium was all over the place and we just kept shooting because they just kept on coming. The noise was so loud I could barley hear Rico screaming and pointing. When I looked at what he was pointing at I saw three giant mechanical creatures with three extending limbs firing lasers. I thought we had won until they came. The lasers were taking out the turrets and the front line started to fall back. While I was running for cover I saw the colonel fire at the tripods and with a bright shine of purple he was ripped in half. I just kept running hoping they would miss me. The emitters went down soon after and things seemed hopeless. When two Ox transports came down out of no were and landed about ten yards in front of me. The backs of the ships opened up and men rushed out and started to firing. Four Orca fighters flew in and started unloading rockets on to the tripods. As I ran for the transports I saw Tim with no legs trying to craw away when buzzers swarmed him until there was nothing left. I jumped into the one of the transports and was waiting to see if any body else made it.

 

The men were shouting, “We have to go!” the doors started to go up when Rico jumped in.

“You weren’t going to leave me down there were you” He said. I just looked at him and smiled. The ships took off and fast. We got a good mile away when I saw beams of light coming down from the sky.

One of the men said, “There going to fry them all with the ion cannon!” I smiled and while one of the medics was rapping my head. I wounded if the world would ever get rid of the tiberium and if we would win this fight against the scrin or would they kill us all and make the world even more worst.

so what do you think?

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Is this all there is? I see the title is 'Short tiberium story', but it seems a little too short. Introducing too many characters too fast in a preexisting dilemma, then wrapping it up after killing most of them off without any real plot. Also quite a few typos.

I suppose if you fixed the grammatical errors, it would fall under some sort of literary art. Personally, I prefer a more in depth story.

I suppose for a school assignment, it can get away with those smaller parameters, but I'd assume the grammar would be important here (although education has low standards these days...).

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OK, if you don't wanna read a constructive form of slaughtering stop reading now.

 

 

 

In a story, you have to approach the reader as if they know nothing at all about the setting, the characters or the plot. With that in Mind. How do you feel your teacher will react to this?

 

You've taken an existing (yet widely unknown) Science fiction, created a randomly generated event, and called it a short story. The average Joe will not know what Nod is, what Tiberium is, in fact, not know what half the stuff is in that passage of text. There's no introductions, no build up, no real flow and no real ending. The only way you can tell it's based on War is the acronym "APC". Moving on from there, you then get the image of a horde of Electric Razors (probably Philips Razors), chewing this guy to death. At this point, the average Joe would think, OK, it's a comedic parody of the survival horror, set in a wartime setting. Beyond that it even confuses me, and even I know the setting you're trying to portray.

 

The passage is all over the place. Spelling and grammar is terrible, the narrative and syntax is extremely poor at best. If you are about 11 or 12, this is just about acceptable at best. But if you're 14 or above, then Ohio's education system has failed you.

 

In 1997, I was 14. My English teacher gave the class a task to write our own short story. It could be on an existing work, or something entirely our own. The only thing was, the story should have been no larger than a single exercise book. Those of us who knew how to write a story, we couldn't be confined to that limit. Most people who did this used less than, or exactly too full books. I on the other hand wrote the entire story of Red Alert, from my perspective, over 4 whole books. Although I was told off for not doing a "short story" and going 4 times over the limit, I got an 'A'...

 

The reason was simply that I used comprehensive detail, set up a good narrative, introduced all characters, created a solid setting and ran with it all the way to a solid conclusion. So unless you're writing a story for anyone under the age of say, 10 years old. A proper short story should be around 3-5,000 words. To put that in perspective, that's around 5-8 pages in Microsoft word at a standard '12' font size.

 

Anyway, I think that's rained on your parade already. Insert coin to continue.

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this was my first draft and i went back and put a lot more into it and fixed a lot of grammar thanks for reading and i will put the better version up when im done

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Your short story about writing a short story was pretty good, Saracen. :lol:

When I was in school, I don't think we were ever limited with how far we wanted to go with our assignments. We got rewarded for going beyond the requirements.

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Ouch, torn to shreds. But helpful none the less

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You know that suddenly popping in the story and not really explaining the setting is a brilliant style of literature that allows the reader to imagine their own setting. The book Ender's Game did that extremely well.

And if you start it of with action, you've already sucked the reader in.

But the way you wrote it, everything kinda flew by in a couple sentences (first paragraph)

But the school will grade you on grammar, spelling, and creativity

It'll very likely get you an 'A' or a 'B'

I wouldn't go that far to do a Command & Conquer story, people would think you get over obsessive about gaming... Unless you are over obsessive about games ;)

 

And for the school system having lower and lower standards as we go along, there is a huge reason for that, and it is not good for the averaged person trying to get an "education".

Edited by BlyTwo

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I don't think teachers will like game stories as their homework, kid. To be honest, when I was a kid like you, during the Red Alert 2 frenzy, I wrote the RA2 story as my essay and the teacher gave me fail for it, and circled everything in the essay, asking when the hell there is soviet attacking america, asking what the hell have you written, and a big SEE ME. Don't use it as a homework, use it as miscellaneous stuff.

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