Draggor 0 Posted May 19, 2004 hey its me. did you know that im an artistwriter. im working on a new story and id like you guys to tell me how it is. im only going to put the prologue and ch.1 up first. so tell me how you like it ok -Draggor Share this post Link to post
Luk3us 63 Posted May 19, 2004 Well why don't you put up the chapter then..... Share this post Link to post
Draggor 0 Posted May 19, 2004 ok Prologue Carrying her into their new bedroom he closed the door behind him to the symphony playing and the noise of their relatives. The door shut muffling out the noise of the party completely. “Nuith-tai,” he whispered and the lamp above their new four poster bedpost bed lit, a soft glow emanating from the lamp putting a soft light onto their room. Hearing a light groggy groan from his arms, he looked down seeing his lover opening her eyes. He stood there for a moment looking into her face studying her red eyes like his, her long pink hair several feet long like most of their kind’s hair so long that it went from head to toe. He looked at her new crown that was silver enlaced with gold around the outside of the crown, the gold chain that went around the crown and helped keep her hair from lying against her back all the time, and the blue pearl that meant that she was a new queen. At that time she said “love…?”, but he hushed her saying “Hush beloved, you need rest like I from our festivities.” she nodded in his arms and closed her eyes again. He walked over and lifted up the covers on their bed and laid her down there and put the covers back over her. He bent down and kissed her lightly on the cheek. He walked over to their closet and said “Hesche-tai”, suddenly there was a bright white flash from the cracks and light poured through the cracks after a moment it stopped. He opened the doors seeing his normal wardrobe of nice but rag-tag blue vest, red shirt, and blue jeans. He pulled out his black evening shorts closing the closet door he walked over in front of the mirror. There he pulled off his clothes then put on his shorts. He threw his clothes he just took off and threw them in the hamper, there was a bright flash and they were gone from the hamper. Looking in the mirror he thought about what had happened to him so far. He looked at his golden crown laced with silver and a golden chain to hold his long black hair with large dark but noticeable red strands of hair tossed in reaching his feet and curving slightly around his feet. Looking at his muscular body he thought, wow and I used to look like Dufva a long time ago. He walked over to his bed and lifted the covers, climbed in and the light went out. He turned and put his arm around his wife while she turned and snuggled up against his chest he whispered “Night love,” and kissed her cheek then they fell asleep. Ch.1 The Kingdom Of Treensha Lovers “Hey! Wake up Draggor!” someone yelled in his ear. Whoever it was he grabbed by the hair. He brought them in front of his face. “Dufva…” he groaned. He lowered Dufva to the floor. “Dufva…” “Uh, yes-s…” Dufva backed up a few paces from him. “Why’d you wake me?” “U…uh…b-because, because…” “Draggor leave him be. You know he looks up to you.” His wife spoke coming into their room with a red with pink frilled dress on that came down to her ankles, her hair was up in what looked like a ponytail that helped like one, she wore silver bracelets on each wrist. “Why so spiffy Meeca?” Draggor asked his wife. “Well, I wanted to see the new land we got from father. And maybe you would like to come.” She walked over and sat down in hid lap arms around his neck and gave him a slight kiss on the cheek. “Hey!” said Dufva, “Mom said not to do that in front of me!” he scrunched up his face in a look that said he didn’t look forward to such things. Meeca nuzzled her husband’s chest with her head. “Well,” started Draggor, “Our parents aren’t here so we can do as we please.” He looked down at his wife. “Isn’t that right love?” he asked. “Hmm-hm” she murmured. “Well I’d best get ready to go,” he looked at Dufva, “You’d best go downstairs and eat.” “Ok,” he said as he opened the door and left while he closed it behind him. “Where are you going to go now?” Meeca asked as Draggor lifted her and set her on the bed getting up. “I thought you wanted to go look at our land?” he said smiling as she giggled. ->/<- They set off riding through the country side on their horses. Draggor on Theirtu a brown baluchi with white splotches, Meeca on a black morgan with white around the eyes. ill add more as i go along Share this post Link to post
Draggor 0 Posted May 19, 2004 well how do you like it so far? im dying to know! :bang: Share this post Link to post
Luk3us 63 Posted May 19, 2004 Bah where is all the action? Or the mystery? I do not read anything with out one of those two qualitlies.... Love stories are something I avoid... Share this post Link to post
Draggor 0 Posted May 19, 2004 well i did add some in the CH.2. so wait thats almost all ive typed Share this post Link to post
Draggor 0 Posted June 5, 2004 about to post the 2nd chapter and some more of the first... Share this post Link to post
Gazdude 0 Posted June 5, 2004 Please save me from the insanity of reading anymore.............. Where the hell is the plot? Whats going on?? Who are these people? Most anime storys when you read them explain whats going on, introduce the characters and tell abit of history.... From what ive read of the prologue i was expecting a very indepth storyline and i was wondering where you were going to start explaining what was going on.... Maybe before the first chapter you could write a little about the history to the present moment.... Share this post Link to post
Draggor 0 Posted June 5, 2004 well ill make sure to put that in before i make it complete. but before that happens. the year is around 19,000,000b.c. on the planet naomie(kname) set in midevil age after the humans banned the draggons(treensha)from their planet Share this post Link to post
Gazdude 0 Posted June 5, 2004 Maybe you could think of a fitting title after youve wrote the story... Share this post Link to post
Luk3us 63 Posted June 5, 2004 Hmm... :? set 19,000,000b.c. on the planet naomie(kname) set in midevil age after the humans banned the draggons(treensha)from their planet...... right.... :roll: Share this post Link to post
Gazdude 0 Posted June 5, 2004 Dont you mean BEFORE they band the treensha or is there some wierd twist.... Share this post Link to post
Luk3us 63 Posted June 5, 2004 Hmm... I don't know what the heck this is all about. Its more sad that you Gaz seem to know what you're talking about..... Share this post Link to post
Gazdude 0 Posted June 5, 2004 Its called being creative...... You really need an imagination to write a story so that cancels you out Luk3us Share this post Link to post