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F15pilotX

Funny Quotes

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Take them from anywhere, just make sure you credit the person :wink:

 

"I mean I doubt these forums will live long enough for some spammer to reach 10000 posts. "

 

-Luk3us

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That has yet to be seen... :nod:

 

These two are nice.

 

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

 

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

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:lol:

 

well, this isn't funny, but...

 

"One death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic"

 

-Josef Stalin

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OK, I'm in a strange mood. Probably something to do with the fact I have my driving test tomorrow. So I'm gonna lighten the mood with a couple of quotes from one of my favourite movies, Highlander 2.

 

From the scene where General Kitana confronts Connor MacLeod next to his deceased wife's grave (on holy ground).

 

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. If you don't take it out and use it, it's going to rust.

 

And the scene where Ramirez flies on a plane from Scotland to the US, sitting next to an attractive dark haired woman named Virginia.

 

But on the contrary, Virginia, all of the most beautiful women had dark hair. Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, Nefertiti, Joan of Arc to name a few. In fact, it's well known that these dair haired ladies

 

[lean in to whisper to Virginia]

 

like to sit on men's faces.

 

And the 3rd and final quote, is Connor MacLeod's chat up line, which always seems to get him to sleep with the ladies.

 

I'm Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was banished from the Planet Zeist 500 years ago... and I cannot die.

 

I've tried it, it never seems to work with me!! :haha:

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a good quote

 

"Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must light yourself on fire" - Regie Leach

 

now for a good one

 

"Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!" - Fr. Marco (yes thats right, a Catholic priest. Wonderful people arent we all....

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"Marines dont die! They go to hell and regroup!" - General Douglas MacArthur

 

"I quit smoking, yeah. But its tough, you know? Its secondhand smoke I have to worry about. Its my second hand, it always has a cirgarette in it!" - Alex Lifeson

 

"Quiting smoking? Thats easy!! I've done it hundreds of times" - Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

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"If you're listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we're morons. We sleep all day, we play music at night and very rarely do we sit around reading the Washington Journal."

-Alice Cooper

 

 

The Simpsons... the greatest show of all time.

 

"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"

-Homer Simpson

 

"In business news, 3M and M&M have merged to form, get this, Ultradyne Systems. And speaking of news stories, here's another one."

-Kent Brockman

 

"The Statue of Liberty? Where are we??"

-Milhouse

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I never apologize.

I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

 

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.

 

Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.

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Guest Rabbit

I'd probably go on about quotes, but they wouldn't be funny and that would ruin the point of the thread. So, I leave you with the only one I can think of.

 

"When people say, 'I’m so tired it's not even funny' or 'my head hurts so much it's not even funny,' why would it even be funny in the first place?"

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Here's one for all you pacifists out there.... :P

 

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

- John Stuart Mill

 

That is one of my favorite quotes of all time.

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I like jazz, but I could never play it. You just sit there with a guitar the size of a Chevy on your chest, wearing a stupid hat, playing the same solo for an hour.

 

If you guys are going to be throwing beer bottles at us, at least make sure they're full.

 

We got a new song called Ashes in Your Mouth, and it is NOT about a joint falling apart.

 

I think that Britney has blown more things than the gearbox on her Ferrari lately and Christina is living proof that you can polish a turd.

 

No matter how beautiful a girl is, she still ****s.

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"Use the bumper! That's what it's for!" - General Ouromov

 

"Objection: Worn out?! Listen you talentless organic meatbag! One word from my master and I will pull you apart limb from useless limb!" - HK-47

 

"You can't handle the truth!" - John Bradshaw Layfield

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"Objection: Worn out?! Listen you talentless organic meatbag! One word from my master and I will pull you apart limb from useless limb!" - HK-47

 

bloody brilliant!

 

"Not to worry, we are still flying half a ship" - Obi-Wan Kenobi

 

Will Turner: Where's Elizabeth?

Jack Sparrow: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for, of course, Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.

 

Jack Sparrow: Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.

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(HK-47 calls Revan a meatbag) Explanation: It's just that... you have all these squishy parts, master. And all that water! How the constant sloshing doesn't drive you mad, I have no idea...- HK-47

 

Pain is really the only reliable means by which truth may be obtained. Or so I choose to believe. - HK-47

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C-3PO: Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease.

 

a quote worthy of HK-47, except for the fact that C-3PO said it...

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"Software is like sex: it's better when it's free" - Linus Torvalds

 

If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation? :lol:

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I'm not interested in chequebook journalism, I'm all about the story. That's what's important to me. It's not my job to sit down with some agent and haggle over price and work out what I can and can't say. That's for my producer to sort out. And only then will I do the story. And that's why I'm with CNNNN.
Of course, for many years I did work in the field. I remember being in Somalia once and this poor, wounded kid crawled up to me - and he touched me. And I looked down, and there was a bit of blood on my suit. It was that moment that I realised: I'd prefer to work in the studio from now on. And that's why I'm with CNNNN.

 

Craig Reucassel

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After going to CNNN I understand... :P

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Their current show is The Chaser's War on Everything

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Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V. - V

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/ that one hurts my head just to read

 

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.

Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.

Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

 

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?

Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.

Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.

Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?

Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.

Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.

Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.

Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.

Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.

Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.

Homer: Bart, go to your room.

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