My Little Pony: Warfare is Magic (Part 1)

[Masked Shah 5]

The Camera pan across the little pony's celebration at their cute little castle, Canterlot.. They are addressed by their Princess Celestia who is dressed like Kim Jung Il from a balcony, escorted by pink heavily armored guard-ponies with Gatling guns mounted on their backs. The hop along the balcony in a cute and happy manner.

 

Princess Celestia: Ponyville, I the great majesty pretty pretty Princess Celestia of Canterlot would like to address you, my ponies, that I will be raising taxes on all ponies making 5 apples an hour. Ponies making more than 5 apples are exempted from this tax because they are job makers, and overall better ponies than most of the poor pony-trash skanks out there. Defy me b^tches, I dare you. I will make it rain Elmer's Glue in this b^tch.

 

Their Princess Celestia finishes her speech, when suddenly a series of explosions rip through the castle, a swarm of parasprites gush from the second bomb rips a guard into a pink mist of blood. The Canterlot Towers collapses as smoke and ash billow through the streets as every little pony runs for their lives, the second tower falls just minutes later. Little ponies cry in the streets, parasprites saw and chew through flesh and bone. Whole pony skeletons are left in mid-air as the parsprites devour poor little ponies whole.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Holy sh^t fap-butter! It's the Aponylypse!

 

Apple Jack: Aponylypse?

 

Twilight Sparkle: Try to make a pun here country bumpkin, make like you always do your daddy and accept it.

 

Apple Jack: What were those things? What's happening!

 

Twlight Sparkle: Those were Parasprite Bombs, we been hit by a terrorist attack!

 

The smoke from the tower clears, Flutter Shy is walking dazed in the streets in deep trauma covered in ash and soot murmuring.

 

Flutter Shy: They're dead, they're all dead...

 

Twilight Sparkle: OH MY GOD.... *blinks a bit* that could have been me, and I was late for work... ha... maaan. Wow.

 

Ponies stare at Twilight, irked.

 

Several days pass and all the ponies meets at Pink Pie's home, the theme of the meeting is a somber and serious one. Small posters address the knowledge of the attackers responsible are everywhere. The chatter is heavy as speculation fills the room, then suddenly Derpy Hooves takes the podium, wearing a suit, glasses w/o lens, and a tiny flag pin with a hoof-print.

 

Derpy Hooves: *clears throat* Greetings everypony, I am Derpy W. Hooves... after much investigation we have determined who the culprit of the attack behind the attack of the attack made on the day in which the attack was made on Canterlot. Using all the resources at my disposal at my desk at the post office, around my toilet, and in my sink I usually have clogged, I manage to trace the attacker responsible for the attack... I traced back to Yellow Birthday Cake, which is used to make weapons... but not like the weapon which was not used on the day of attack... but could happen been... I carted this 3 wheeled wagon around all ponyville searching for clues for criminals, I even kicked over all the rocks... even the big ones. I opened and ate 30 cans of soup until I found my bestestest lead.

 

One of Derpy's eyes strays left while the other eye makes circles.

 

Big Macintosh: Who the Fugg was it? You loopy b^tch.

 

Derpy W. Hooves: I have reason to believe it was Zecora Mohammed Hassan Hussain Bin Mohammed

 

All the ponies gasp.

 

Derpy W. Hooves: ...and I promise you... if you elect me to head up the charge we WILL put an end to Zecora and her terrorist witchcraft backwards ways!

 

All the ponies erupt into chatter... as they discuss all that they heard.

 

Cheerilee: I suppose we should elect her, she seems like the only one with any type of plan.

 

Sapphire Shores: Yeah I suppose a reckless plan is better than no plan...

 

Rainbow Dash: @#$% this, let's hurry up and pitch-fork that terrorist Zecora @#$%

 

Twilight Sparkle: Um... did she say she found evidence from her toilet?

 

Several days even later... the ponies elect Derpy as President of Ponyville. Troops of armor wearing ponies march out in Everfree Forrest burning every tree and stomping every small creature they can find. They set fire to Zecora's home and steal her belongings... A week passes and Rainbow Dash finds a hole.

 

Rainbow Dash: *looks in hole* Anyponies in there, come out with your hooves up...

 

Zecora: Please nooo, I didn't do anything you are mistaken...

 

Rainbow Dash: Ooooh Sh^t pickle! I found the terrorist!!!

 

Rainbow Dash punches Zecora, and stomps on Zecora's leg and snap it...

 

Rainbow Dash: You're Under Arrest Maggot!!!

 

TO BE CONTINUED

Edited December 25, 2011 by Sonic

[Doctor Destiny 41]

Jesus. I could not stop laughing. This is just too good.

 

Derpy W. Hooves... good god. That was the best part.

[Plok 327]

Inb4 Zee deletes it...

Not amused.

[Doctor Destiny 41]

I guess it helps that I've read grimdark FIM fanfics and am currently working on one of my own. I thought it was hilariously well done.

 

[EDIT] If it gets deleted, it'll be stupid. However, I run a pony site now anyway so we can just take it and push it over there. Points to anyone who gets that reference.

[Masked Shah 5]

Inb4 Zee deletes it...

Not amused.

 

You must be new here.

Zee already knew about this story, he asked me what I was working on...

Edited December 24, 2011 by Masked Shah

[Plok 327]

You must be new here.

Eh?

 

Zee already knew about this story, he asked me what I was working on...

Very bold, I must say...

 

 

However, I run a pony site now anyway so we can just take it and push it over there. Points to anyone who gets that reference.

Since when?

[Masked Shah 5]

Haters gonna hate!

[Plok 327]

I'm not a pony hater, mind you. It's just your fanfic that seems so.... generic.

[Doctor Destiny 41]

Since when?

Since about a week and a half or so ago. Link's in my sig.

[Masked Shah 5]

Like I said you must be new here, junior.

[Doctor Destiny 41]

Compared to us, Shah, yeah, he's new.

[Masked Shah 5]

Compared to us, Shah, yeah, he's new.

 

Ahhh, maybe I should bring back the entire "Sneak Attack" stories again...

 

I really feel like I should share that with the new generation.

 

EDIT:

Remember the time I tried to ousted every forum admin, and become the despot of CNCNZ forums for life?

Awww the memories.

Edited December 24, 2011 by Masked Shah

[Doctor Destiny 41]

Yes. Do that. Your Sneak Attack stories were never ending streams of laughs.