Rumsfield's New Friend (A Christmas short) MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

[Masked Shah 5]

Rumsfield New Friend (A Christmas short)

It's October and Donald Rumsfield is at a News conference, taking heavy heat from reporters

 

James Seaburrow (BNN)- Mr. Rumsfield, you stated that most of the mistakes made in the Iraq war were made. Could you explain how these mistakes were made, and who is at fault?

 

Rumsfield- *Gives Seaburrow a dirty look* Listen, I follow the advice of the US generals. They have the knowledge to fight this war.

 

Scene cuts to the war room, where the conference in on the big screen. The generals are screaming.

 

General Townes- *throwing popcorn at screen* PULLOUT DAMN IT!! GOD DAMN IT NO ONE EVER LISTENS!!!

 

General Alexander- *cupping hands over her mouth* PULLOUT!! PULLOUT PLEASE!!!

 

Scene cuts back to Conference

 

James Seaburrow (BNN)- So would you say since the advice falls to the generals and that you follow the Generals advice. Are the Generals to blame for the mistakes?

 

Rumsfield- Well.. um er... yeah. I just follow their advice. They make the decisions... so if there are mistakes made, it would be their fault.

 

The War Room falls silent, General Granger who walked in minutes earlier with coffee mug in hand... drops it. Townes is frozen with jar drop, and eyes wide open. Alexander almost fall out of her swivel chair, gawking at the screen.

 

General Granger- That.. dirty son.. of a b*tch.

 

Times passes by...

It is now November, and the president gives Rumsfield's resignation speech on TV. Rumsfield is heartbroken.

 

He packs his bags, and drives out back to his civilain life. He approaches his home and parks his car in his driveway. It is quiet.

 

Rumsfield sits in his comfort chair, eating ice cream and potato chips. Months pass by, and Rumsfield is deep in depression. He has gained weight, and had not bathed in over a week. He sits and watches TV in his boxers with messy hair.

 

Donald gets up and walks to his fridge... He notices echos of singing coming from a newly hole under his kitchen table.

 

Masked Shah- *Inside tunnel still brainwashed, and singing*

You can dance if wanna, and we can leave your friends behind. Cus if your friends can't dance...

 

Rumsfield joins in singing

 

Rumsfield and Masked Shah- *singing* ... and if they don't dance then they're no friends of mine. I say, we can go where we want to. A place where they will never find. And we can act like We cOmE fRoM oUt Of ThIs WoRlD... Leave the real one far behind!!!

 

Rumsfield dances while the Masked Shah does the beeps-and-boops to the Safety Dance. Rumsfield breaks into laughter and settles down.

 

Rumsfield- *stares down tunnel* Say friend, who are you?

 

Masked Shah- ...

 

Rumsfield- Say, are you hungry down there mister? *digs in fridge* Would you like some cold fried chicken?

 

Masked Shah- ...

 

Rumsfield drop a piece of chicken down the hole. He hears the it hit the floor, and some rustling to pick it up.

 

Rumsfield- So, where you from?

 

Masked Shah- ...

 

Rumsfield- Me? I moved from DC, I used to work for the president. *sigh* Those were some good old days.

 

Masked Shah- Chicken please.

 

Rumsfield- Oh you like chicken? well... *drops 3 more pieces down the hole* I like chicken as well, I used to eat fried chicken every Sunday. The White House staff made just for us, when working long hours... well actually maybe not working... napping really.. but...

 

Masked Shah- I like cheese.

 

Rumsfield- I do too!! Wow, ain't life funny? Say friend what can I call you? *stares down pitch black hole*

 

Masked Shah- ...

 

Rumsfield- How about I call you, Wilbur?

 

Masked Shah- ...

 

Rumsfield- Wilbur, it is!

 

Masked Shah- Chicken...

 

Rumsfield- Oh ok!!

 

Rumsfield drops more chicken into the hole.

 

More time passes by, Rumsfield chats away into hole for weeks on end. He tosses down more food, and soda down the tunnel. After a couple weeks Mr. Rumsfield starts to jog and lose weight. He cleans himself up and shaves and takes bathes. He throw all his remaining junk food down the hole.

 

Rumsfield has come back to his suit and tie, and turns off the TV....

It is now Christmas Day.

 

Rumsfield- *Looks down hole* Merry Christmas Wilbur!!

 

Masked Shah- *still brainwashed*... I like frozen yogurt

 

Rumsfield- Oh yes, I like yogurt as well... Christmas is so great. I look back at most of the year, and realise what a blessing it has been. It been hard after I left DC, I was in such a wreck. Thanks to you I managed to recover, and put my life back together... You listened and kept me company when there was no one around. You helped me in my time of need. You became my friend, Wilbur.

Thank you.

 

Masked Shah- ... chicken?

 

Rumsfield- Um, I'm sorry Wilbur. I threw out the rest of my junk food yesterday, I gave the rest to you... remember?

 

Masked Shah- ...

 

...

 

... I gotta go.

 

Rumsfield- You have to go? Oh no, I'm am sorry your leaving... *tears well up in his eyes* I-I-I'll miss you, you're the first true real best friend I ever had. *sniff* I'll do my best for you, Wilbur. I promise I will not cry. Goodbye, maybe we'll run into each other again.

G-g-goodbye Wilbur, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

 

Rumsfield runs into his living room with eyes bursting with tears.

 

The dizzy Masked Shah tries his best to navigate through the tunnels, smacking into walls with a paint can on his head.... laughing like a moron.

 

Rumsfield- God bless that Wilbur, he and I surely shared the same mind.

 

END

[Doctor Destiny 41]

[TheBlackOut 7]

 

Great as always.

[Masked Shah 5]

Thank you guys, feed back is always appreciated.

[Mario 0]

:rofl::rofl: funny as always love readin your stories Shah guarenteed a laugh