Coping with depression

[General Leang 0]

A friend of mine suffers from bipolar disorder and they have been through a diffucult time of late. I am concerned over the bout of depression they are facing at the moment and would like some advice on how to be approach this potentially life threatening condition.

[Mina Synd 0]

hmm... it depends. bipolar disorder is usually threatening in itself. chances are anything you do to help the depression may in turn affect the bipolar in some way and make them angry at you :\ clinical depression is not a good thing. they will hate themselves and hate everything else, constantly be down and upset and lethagic about everything. the best you can do is always be happy, friendly and cheerful. try to make their lives as good as possible and maybe they will work themselves out of it o.o short of checking them into a hospital there is nothing else you can really do to help. there's no quick fix remedy to depression. lord knows i know, my mom has had it my whole life... she will see everything as bad things and even when outstandingly good things happen she won't recognize it as such. just be there for them, at any hour... let them know they can rely on you. the last thing we want is this person becoming suicidal, or wanting to harm others. sometimes the best thing that can happen is just having someone to talk to, a friendly face there beside you not amazing advice but i believe it's the best i can offer in the situation ^^; hope it's helpful

[Saracen 16]

Allow me to mirror what Mina has said, and elaborate a little further.

 

As someone who's had a severe bout of depression and has self harmed to the point where smashing my head against a brick wall or setting myself alight seemed like a good idea at the time. The best thing you can do is just be there for them... don't be suggestive or forceful in any way to them. My mind was like a ticking time bomb... one moment I would feel OK, the next I would feel anger and hate inside.... when you are like that, all you want to do is explode at someone (possibly hurting them in the process) and then hurt yourself to make you feel better. Cutting ones self is common because as someone who is severely depressed, you feel like your hate can only be let out when you bleed. It's like popping a painful blister, it lets out the pressure.

 

It's a very tricky subject. This person is not themselves. You can't say "we can help you" or anything like that because this person will not want help, and it will only make them worse. Only they believe that they can help themselves, yet they will do nothing, as they see it as the best course of action. But as someone who has been depressed, you do want to feel loved, you do want to be helped, but you fail to admit to it. The only thing you can do for them is to be someone who is willing to listen, get them to talk and let their problems flow... be a listener and let any conversation be about them. Don't make mention that a shrink or a doctor would be an answer... trust me, that's like just asking them to die and let it be over with. Talking helps. Be private about it on a 1 to 1 basis, and slowly gain their trust.

 

It's not something that can be done overnight. It took me 5 years to come to terms with my depression, and a further 4 to combat it's effects. I still suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) which can and will make me somewhat depressed in the winter months. Even that is not easy, but the more I gain self control each year, the easier it becomes. Having them learn that self control is the key, is the hardest thing for them to manage.

 

But you need to make sure they get out and have as much natural light as possible, sunlight or any natural light helps improve the mood of a person regardless of the mental illness. Be it a park, a beach or whatever to play some sport or even just talk on neutral ground.... the less they sit down at home wallowing in their own low self esteem the better they will feel for it. Get to find out what they do enjoy or what they want to do. Doctors, shrinks and pills are not the answer. Being someone who they can trust is. It's knowing how to please them and make them feel better about themselves. Sooner or later they will come around and gain some of that self control. That's when they'll ask for help and support.

[Mina Synd 0]

agreed entirely o.o you just gotta be there for them oo; just don't let them drag you down too... make it a part of your daily highlight to chat with them. no-one wants to talk to someone who isn't interested or is ignoring them... so show real interest in what they have to say! it'll be worth it in the end. you'll be helping someone and gaining a best friend in the process ^-^

[General Leang 0]

That does help, thank you. My friend has always been the crusader type, whether it is the bipolar or just who they are they want to try and fix everything, control everything. They might feel like they are trying to do some good but the price is too high considering how much anger there is, how they lash out at others and harm themselves doing it.

[Mina Synd 0]

glad we could be of help ^^; but a bipolar crusader... eep... you've got a lot of work ahead of you methinks. though we can hope that the crusader side will make them want to help themselves out of trouble a little... maybe give them a little incentive. that person sounds like someone who will try to get something done when their beliefs agree with it... good luck, and keep at it... they will thank you for it in the future

[General Leang 0]

My friend had sought to have the bipolar confirmed, so that is something at least. From there, who knows. I think part of it might be because of the trouble those with bipolar have organising their thoughts, or so I understand from my knowledge of the condition. Couple that with always struggling to fight the good fight...eep indeed. I think that is part of the problem. Trying to make my friend bury the causes they fight for will be the hardest part I think.

[Mina Synd 0]

is your friend going to be going on anti-psychotics or something similar? i speak from personal experience, for those who have problems they often hold promise and help you, even if it's just your mind thinking they work... it makes things better. however they do have a lot of side effects (which range from headache to "sudden unexpected death") for example, olanzapine made me put on 30lb in two weeks and it gave me nosebleeds o.o it also made me sleep all the time... aripiprazole made me stay awake all the time but my mind felt dulled so i could never focus on things 100%... and risperdal made me put on an additional 10lb over a longer period and it's forced my sleep patterns into a "normal" routine o.o not that this is a bad thing but when you want to stay up late and the second it hits 9 or 10pm you're hit by a solid wave of tiredness which you just can't overcome... it's a pain :\

 

i believe the doctor will just send your friend to a psychiatrist and get them cracked up on various pill types... even if there are other better remedies available... because let's face it, they don't give a damn about you and just want to get rid of you in the simplist method :\

best you can do is hope that the benefits outweigh the downsides and be there for your friend at all times... once again, good luck. chances are things will get worse before they get better... but getting it diagnosed is definately a step in the right direction. if your friend refuses to go on pills i'm sure there are many more effective solutions to help with oo

[rEdaSbLood 1]

in addition to being put on meds, your friend should start psychotherapy. its essential.

[Mina Synd 0]

that was a bit blunt, but yah... psychologists are pretty handy for talking things through... apart from just listening they offer helpful suggestions and have all kinds of little tests and things to show you things and help explain why it's happening to you o.o but y'know... psychologists are a double headed dragon... if you get them on a national health service, they don't really care about you, and if you're on private they're really expensive :\ it took me about a half a year or more to open up to the psychologist i was paired up with. just as i started opening up, he told me our time was up and that he was leaving :\

[General Leang 0]

No, blunt is good. My friend has been discussing it but seems to shy away on particulars. Instead they have been looking at ways to overcome the bipolar, or at least the way they feel now. Music perhaps, positive reaffirmation like you suggested, trying to distract themselve away from obsessing over things.

 

On taking pills, my friend has some of those perceptions of medication and does not know if they will go on them if they could help it.

[Saracen 16]

On taking pills, my friend has some of those perceptions of medication and does not know if they will go on them if they could help it.

 

Make sure they hold that thought.. Every person I know (including myself) have found it an utter mistake to go on meds after they've got over their condition. Doctors still know so little about the brain, so why on earth prescribe drugs to manipulate it?

 

Even if the meds do work for the person, they'll end up becoming reliant on it. The result is a sub-conscious addiction. The truth being, you end up not knowing when you're getting better because such drugs put you in a fixed state of mind. Even though it's tougher, it's best the person recover naturally.

[rEdaSbLood 1]

the meds are just to stablize the patient, not to cure their symptoms...its no better than a regular person using illegal drugs to cope with problems, it only numbs the pain as long as its used.....

[General Leang 0]

Quite right. My friend had been using...not drugs but other forms of...abuse I guess you could say, as a means of trying to deal with it, try and forget it. I think they see it as distracting the mind from the problem, but they know that does not solve the problem. Maybe a book on zen might be helpful.

[Saracen 16]

the meds are just to stablize the patient, not to cure their symptoms...its no better than a regular person using illegal drugs to cope with problems, it only numbs the pain as long as its used.....

 

I know that, don't play me like I'm dumb here.

[Mina Synd 0]

yup... pills present more problems then they solve :\ it may have helped the other people i know but now they are reliant on using the pill... they control the dopamine levels in your brain and in general, are like a giant numming effect on your creativity. it's a double edged sword there. see, the second you go on the pills you'll become more motivated to actually do things... the problem is that you just can't express yourself the way you normally could. everything just feels wrong...

 

in general the best thing any one person can do for another is simply be there, as it's been brought up time and time again... it fixes all wounds. it doesn't matter if you're stephen hawking or forrest gump, sooner or later the person you're talking to will greatly appreciate you being there for them o.o

i'd say look up as much information on being bipolar and depression. you may be able to understand your friend better, and may find out some helpful techniques for making said friend feel better about themselves.

[rEdaSbLood 1]

didnt play you for dumb saracen...

[Dr. Rodney McKay 0]

I'd have to agree with Mina mostly on the pills. Pills are worth it for awhile, but the other effects become too much. Take my Adderall, for instance. Without my adderall, I pull my hair out trying to concentrate on something that's not video games.

 

I hate it when I'm on them, however. I don't eat, sleep, or want to do anything and my eyes vibrate like Lewis Black on Amphetamines. But I am focused. And that's almost worth it.

[Mina Synd 0]

exactly oO; just gotta try them and the pros against the cons and see if it's worth continuing to stay on them. lucky me i'm nearly off the risperdal though ^-^;