Chinese in 5 minutes...

[BWare 0]

you know someone called kerb? ah well i dont dis americans cos i hate them like Osama does but cos they just get so worked up after you say a few words about bush or the senate...... actualy the master plan involves moving to the states.

okay fair enough. Where do you plan on moving in the states? I've lived in pretty much every region in the US... some very nice places over here

[Guest MadBadger]

Chicago, IL is quite posibly the place id end up i like it there alot not fake like LA not as frantic as NY but still a good blend.

[Guest MadBadger]

ill wave my own wtf flag

[Cygnus X-1 12]

I dont think I get the American side of that joke either.

 

And calm down folks. Y'all too serious sometimes.

 

Honestly (+1)

[Luk3us 63]

(+1)

 

?

[GeneralZ 0]

I dont get it either

[Guest MadBadger]

omfg

 

wat joke? the one about the names or the chinese words?

[Cygnus X-1 12]

:roll: :roll: :roll:

 

I can see why the old jokes and humor forum was discarded

 

(+3) (-1) :arrow: </5*7>||

[Luk3us 63]

:roll: :? :roll:

 

The jokes forum was crap. No one posted in it and J-Fire_Man was complaining about never getting any of the jokes...

[Cygnus X-1 12]

apparently no one else gets any jokes etheir

 

alright, lets try a simple one:

 

Q:Why did the turtle cross the road?

 

A:To get to the Shell station on hte other side. (if you dont know what a shell station is, too bad)

[Luk3us 63]

That was lame... I'm sorry but it was...

[Dark_Kodiak 0]

Heres a stupid one....

 

Gas Men

 

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

 

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

 

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

 

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!

 

 

 

 

another one....

 

Crazy Math

 

In an insane asylum, three patients are up for release. The Doctor decides to give them an intelligence test. He turns to the first man and asks, "What is three times three?"

 

"274," he replies.

 

The Doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"

 

"Tuesday," replies the second man.

 

The Doctor turns to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"

 

"Nine," says the third man proudly.

 

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you arrive at that?"

 

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

[Luk3us 63]

lol the gasman one is cool.. < I love that smilie!

 

Definition of "Stop"

 

A cop in the USA was demoted for his actions on a traffic stop. Based on the information from the statement from the subject complaint, and the officer's report, the event played out like this.

 

A subject male person runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a police officer. Officer says, "License and registration, please." Subject responds, "What for?" Officer says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Subject responds, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Officer says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop.

License and registration, please."

 

Subject responds, "What's the difference?" Officer says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, License and registration, PLEASE!" Subject responds, "If you can show me the difference between slowing down and coming to a stop, I'll give you my license and registration". Officer says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

 

At this point, the officer takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving do-do out of the subject and says:

"NOW - DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"

[BWare 0]

Hmm... not so good you guys

 

 

Here goes nothing...

 

A man walks into his psychologist's office and lays down on the couch. He explains to the doctor that he has been having horrible recurring dreams that have kept him from sleep. In one dream he imagines that he is a wigwam. The next night, he dreams that he is a teepee. The next night he is a wigwam.... etc etc. He pleads with the doctor to help him with his problem, and the doctor simply responds, "Oh, that's easy! You're too tense!" :lol:

[GeneralZ 0]

:? :rockbrow: :rockbrow:

 

I did not get that

[Guest MadBadger]

i belive it has somin to do with streached material or somin.

 

An english man a french man and a german man are in saudi arabia and are caught drinking black market beer and smoking weed. There taken infront of the sultan who sentences them all to death but one of the sultans wifes begs him to let the men have one wish each as its her birthday and to reduce the sentance to 20 lashes of the whip. The sultan permits this and has the german brought forth "you may have one wish before you are whiped." says the sultan.

"ummmm" as the german thinks. "Can i have a pillow tied to my back?"

The sultan permits this and a pillow is tied to the germans back. The german is given 20 lashes but the pillow only lasts through 10 before spliting and the german is taken away bleeding. The french man is then brought forth having seen the german being whiped he smugly asks for 2 pillows. Even though 2 pillows were tied to his back they only last 15 lashes and hes lead away whimpering. The english man is brought before the sultan and told like the others before him what is to happen. The english man then says how much he has liked the country and how nice everyon has been to him. The sultan upon hearing this states "you must come from a nobel and honored country you may have 2 wishes." The english man upon hearing this smiles.

"I wish not for 20 lashes but 100." says the english man.

"Not only Noble and Honored but coragous and brave." says the sultan.

"i also wish for the french man to be tied to my back." sniggers the english man.

 

 

there ya go number 1 if ppl like that then ill do the other one.

[BWare 0]

:? :rockbrow: :rockbrow:

 

I did not get that

oh come on people... too tense = two tents :lol:

[Doctor Destiny 41]

* a gray-furred cat with a wide-brimmed hat walks up to the microphone.

 

"Good evening, ladies and germs. I just flew in from Nashville and, boy, are my arms tired."

 

*rimshot.

 

"Okay, okay. Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks."

 

*rimshot. Someone coughs in the audience.

 

"A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

 

*rimshot. Nothing from the audience.

 

"Eh, tough crowd...A hungry African lion came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

 

*rimshot. An annoyed murmur can be heard from the audience. The cat taps the microphone.

 

"Is this thing on? Okay, okay...A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew the doctor's habit and would always have a drink waiting. But one day the bartender ran out of hazelnut extract, so he substituted hickory nuts. When the doctor arrived, he took a sip and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry," the bartender replied. "It's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

 

*rimshot. Someone in the audience shouts "You suck!"

 

"Oh, come on. These jokes killed 'em in Nashville!"

 

* Audience heckler: "Then go back!"

 

"Sheesh. Okay, a priest, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar. Hey!"

 

*The cat ducks a thrown tomato.

 

"Okay, okay. No more bar jokes. Um...

There once was a man from Nantucket..."

 

*The cat dodges three more tomatoes and an old boot.

 

"Yah! Okay, okay. Umm...

 

Knock, knock?"

 

*The show ends when the cat is knocked out by a thrown watermelon...

 

[TheBlackOut 7]

I got two jokes, they are with a genius!

 

Watch them all, they're short and funny! :lol:

 

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/einstein

 

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/einstein2

 

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/einstein3

 

Dance Party!

 

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/einstein4

[GeneralZ 0]

Thats funny??

 

I just watched all of them and I didnt even smile

[TheBlackOut 7]

Goddamnit.

[Guest MadBadger]

:LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL: the first one was kinda crap but 2,3 n 4 OWN i loved dance party. I would stick it in my sig if i had more room.

[Saracen 16]

Thinking about it, I don't know how this thread got to 4 pages. It is total rubbish! Time to lock it I think.