The Rules of Men

[Doctor Destiny 41]

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

 

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

 

Crying is blackmail.

 

Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

 

Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

 

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

 

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

 

If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

 

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

 

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

 

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

 

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

 

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an

answer you don't want to hear.

 

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

 

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared

to discuss such topics as hockey, food, or sex.

 

You have enough clothes.

 

You have too many shoes.

 

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

 

[GeneralZ 0]

hahaha..... :rofl: :rofl:

so true.....so true..... yet so funny..... lol

[Cygnus X-1 12]

Thats amazingly accurate and true. I oughta copy and send that to some one.

[apocolyp4 0]

I dont think anyone could put it better than that well except

 

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

 

Christopher Columbus was trying to get to china but ended up in the west indies so yes I think he did need directions

[chickendippers 1]

Good one

[Dark_Kodiak 0]

Not true of me

 

I the only different guy without being... you know what *cough*g*cough*

that I know of. Dont know about you guys.....

[Doctor Destiny 41]

I dont think anyone could put it better than that well except

 

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

 

Christopher Columbus was trying to get to china but ended up in the west indies so yes I think he did need directions

 

And congratulations, you completely ruined a joke. Good work. ¬_¬

[BWare 0]

If he asked for directions, most would tell him that the earth was flat.... so everyone was wrong, but Columbus was closer to being right :wink:

 

The joke stands

[apocolyp4 0]

Even if they told him the earth was flat they would still be able to get in to china instead he thought he was smart and decide to take a "short cut" and ended up in the wrong continent. Even after his journey he didnt prove the earth was round as he didnt sail around it he just prove that it was a little bit bigger.

[GeneralZ 0]

well, he was headed in the RIGHT DIRECTION...its just that he stopped too soon at north america

[apocolyp4 0]

In the right direction ????? China known as the far east while he went to the "WEST" indies.

[GeneralZ 0]

well, u can still get there traveling west. and if u live in North America, china is closer west than east

[Saracen 16]

My god you guys are killing this thread with your logical reasoning

[BWare 0]

In the right direction ????? China known as the far east while he went to the "WEST" indies.

You know, the earth is a globe.... :roll:

You do realize that west and east become pretty relative, right?

[dapperdan 0]

i have to agree wit king here. u guys hav just gone way off topic, the joke, which is class btw, isnt even the main topic. wud hav been okay if it was more jokes that followed but it aint.

btw:

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know

anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

 

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the

prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the

prisoner in the prison.

 

And then they made love for the first time.

 

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

 

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

 

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

 

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but

the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him

a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

 

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently

born foal.

 

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

 

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

 

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,

OKAY!

[GeneralZ 0]

:rofl: :rofl:

 

nice1 to bring us back on topic..... which is about men, not about men's faults

[Saracen 16]

I must admit dapper, that was class

 

Now please, lets keep this rolling, but don't go way overboard :wink:

[Acerz492 1]

I agree! Dapper and Fenring, total class :lol: :lol: Can't think of any jokes right now, though. But keep it rolling otherwise!

[dapperdan 0]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

 

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

 

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

 

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and

you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

 

The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

 

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when

you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

 

"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

 

The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".

"I remember that too", she replies softly.

 

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

[GeneralZ 0]

oh...hahaha.....another good 1.....where do u get those?

[Saracen 16]

Another good one

 

If anyone has any clean jokes which can go under the theme of "Men" and "The rules of men" get them posted here!

 

**JOKE REMOVED**

[GeneralZ 0]

that wasnt funny king, it was more about woman bashing....

[Saracen 16]

I was in one of those strange moods. I have removed the joke accordingly :wink:

[BWare 0]

I was in one of those strange moods. I have removed the joke accordingly :wink:

Oh come on king! Share the joke! :wink:

[General Leang 0]

The sad thing is there are men and women like this. Funny but sad. In my opinion men should have no reason to criticise until they are able to give birth and prove that sex does not dominate their lives.