Great Questions + Crazy facts

[Saracen 16]

This is all old stuff, but I think we need some humour.

 

Some great questions, brought to you by Peter Kay :

 

1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

 

2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

 

3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

 

4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your arse?

 

5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

 

6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

 

7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

 

8. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

 

9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

 

10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

 

11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

 

12. What do people in China call their good plates?

 

13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

 

14. What do you call male ballerinas?

 

15. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

 

16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 

17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

 

18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

 

19. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?

 

 

 

Peter Kay’s Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

 

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

 

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

 

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

 

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator

 

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

 

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

 

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

 

9) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

 

10) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

 

11) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

 

12) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

 

13) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy

ball.

 

14) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

 

15) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.>

 

16) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to

call your teacher mum or dad.

 

17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

 

18) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

 

19) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

 

20) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

 

21) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

 

22) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

 

23) You never ever run out of salt.

 

24) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

 

25) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

 

26) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

 

27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

 

28) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

 

29) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

 

30) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

 

31) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

 

32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

 

33) Bricks are horrible to carry.

 

34) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

 

35) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

 

 

 

 

Crazy Facts!!

 

1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

 

2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.

 

3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

 

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

 

5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

 

6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

 

7. A 2x4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2.

 

8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen in the distance.

 

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily worldwide!

 

10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

 

11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

 

12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

 

13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.

 

14. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan". There was never a recorded Wendy before.

 

15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlinin World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

 

16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

 

17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

 

18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".

 

19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

 

20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

 

21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

 

22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.

 

23. By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

 

24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

 

25. For fun, Charlie Chaplin once entered anonymously a "Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest", and won third prize.

 

26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

 

27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson".

 

28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

 

29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.

 

30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

 

31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages them.

 

32. In the movie Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again Sam". What he said was "If you can play it for her you can play it for me, so play it".

 

33. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

 

34. A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.

 

35. A shrimp's heart is in its head.

 

36. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.

 

37. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

 

38. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

 

39. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

 

40. Horses can't vomit.

 

41. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

 

42. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

 

43. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

 

44. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

 

45. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for US citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

 

46. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

 

47. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.

 

48. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

 

49. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

 

 

 

And lastly...

 

50. Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

[TheBlackOut 7]

Booo! You SUCK!

 

1900th! Yay.

[Doctor Destiny 41]

The questions were funny and the truths were a riot.

However, one 'fact' is wrong. A duck's quack does indeed have an echo.

[gammyleg 0]

:lol:

 

Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

 

Haha - we used to take the piss out of anyone girly enough to use a sharpener.

[Luk3us 63]

lol. nice one.

[Thierry 0]

The questions were funny and the truths were a riot.

However, one 'fact' is wrong. A duck's quack does indeed have an echo.

 

Yeh they proved that on Discovery once

[Inferno 22]

50. Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

 

Actually, I did :lol:

[Riparius 0]

People CAN lick their elbows...

 

They showed it on Brainiac.

[Dark_Kodiak 0]

17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

 

Indeed it does

[Thierry 0]

17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

 

Indeed it does

 

Goes for spiders too

[Tree 0]

Well, I thought I made a cool PHP thing that would randomly display those quotes as an image, but it doesn't work.

 

I think mostly because I don't have an updated version of PHP. If anyone wants to host it (one PHP file) and has a PHP version greater than 4.4, shoot me a PM.

[Hitman079 0]

the answer to question 14 is "gay".

[Dr. Rodney McKay 0]

I think the answer to all the questions is "Vampires". You'll never know when they'll strike your town, man.

 

As for the Universal truths:

 

1. Wrong. Hoagies > Them both.

2. I've never gone to a party. <_<

3. True.

4. wat

5. True.

6. I've never been drunk, but I'm going to guess true.

7. Sharpening a Pencil with your teeth is manlier.

8. I'm sure.

9. I do. FIGHT THE POWER!

10. I don't eat bananas. But, there's a song called Banana Phone, so I'll say true.

11. Lies. Absolutely horrible.

12. Truth

13. Nope.

14. Nope.

15. Truth.

16. Not close. The most embarrassing thing to do is accidentally do a spear to your teacher. I know this from experience.

17. Holy hell, is this true.

 

I'll do the other 18 later.

[Tree 0]

You live a very sheltered life.

[Guest MadBadger]

#1. Those 'Questions' from Kay Arn't Kays.... he even says that he never made them up..... there was a e-mail about 5 years ago with hundreds on it.

 

#2 50. Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

 

 

#3..... I really wana comment on all of them.....

 

#4. Good find!

[rEdaSbLood 1]

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

 

nice....

 

this was coool