Jokes you know that we don't

[Luk3us 63]

Interesting peoples....

[Alphabear 11]

no offence but i think mama jokes are a bit lame

[BWare 0]

no offence but i think mama jokes are a bit lame

Oh no.. they're classic! :wink:

 

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

Haha, awesome.

[Alphabear 11]

they were good but problem is they've been used so much there not as funny anymore as there all prety much the same.

[Guest MadBadger]

Short joke

2 blonds walk into a building

 

You thought one of them would have seen it

 

 

Looooong Joke but V funny...... if your English

 

An English man, A french man and an American are all in Saudi Arabia drinking illegal beer and are caught. There taken before the Crowned Prince who sentences them to death but just before they are all shot the Princes favourite wife comes running up to the Prince and begs for the Prince to reduce the sentence. The Prince aggrees with his wife and sentences all to 20 lashes and 1 last request.

 

The American hearing this asks for a pillow to be straped to his back which is done. The Guards begin whipping the American but after 10 lashes the pillow breaks and the american is lead away after his 20 lashes bleading.

 

The French man thinks quickly and asks for 2 pillows to be tied to his back. Again the whipping starts but even 2 pillows only last 15 lashes and the French man is lead away bruised and crying.

 

Now after that the Princes wife begs the Prince to give the last man 2 wishes. The English man steps up and the prince tells him that due to the fact he is from a culture so rich and so diverse he will follow his wifes wishes and give the english man 2 wishes.

 

The English man thinks very hard hard and his first wish is not for 20 lashes but for 100 lashes. The Prince is amazed by this and tells the English man that English men not only being from such a great culture also are extreamly brave and coragous. The Prince asks the English man for his second wish.

 

Then English mans second wish is....... 'Strap the French man to my back'

 

 

 

And another longish joke

 

George. W. Bush is visiting a school where class 3B are discussing the meaning of the word Tragedy. George is asked to head the class for the discussion and he aggrees.

 

Bush asks the class what the word means and little Sally puts her hand up

 

'would it be a Tragedy if a kid got run over in the street?' Sally asked

 

'No' Said Bush 'that would be an accident'

 

Little Jimmy put his hand up

 

'is it a Tragedy when a school bus full of kids went off a cliff and killed everyone?' timmy enquired

 

'No' Said Bush 'That would be a great loss, Can anyone tell me what a Tragedy is?'

 

'I can' Spoke Little timmy from the back of the room 'It would be a Tragedy if Air Force One carrying you and Mrs Bush was shot down and you died.'

 

'YES!' Cried Bush 'And can you tell me why it would be a Tragedy?'

 

'Yes' Said timmy 'Cos it wouldnt be an Accident or a Great Loss'

 

 

 

 

 

I would like to thank the people of america for vioting GWB back into office...... or who ever tampered the results

 

Yo MAMA

 

oh and yo mamas so stupid she got locked up in a wall mart and starved to death.

 

Yo mamas so stupid she got run over by a parked car.

 

Yo mamas so fat she got 2 zip codes.

 

Yo mamas so fat he dress is the circus tent

 

Yo mamas so old her social security numbers 0

 

Yo mamas so old she was Jeuses home girl

 

Yo mamas so old she remembers Tutankhamen as a kid

 

Yo mamas so ugly she curdles milk

 

Yo mamas so stupid she stared at a orange juce cartoon for a week cos it said Concentrate

 

Yo mamas so fat she has to get clearance from air traffic control to got to the shops.

 

Yo mama so ugly she entered an ugly contest and they said 'no professionals.'

 

Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

 

Yo mamas so fat she fills up the bath then adds water

 

Yo mamas so fat she went to the beach to swim the ocean jumped out and said 'yo turn'

 

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry

 

It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license she couldnt get used to the front seat

 

Yo mama twice the man you are

 

 

 

hehe i pwn at Yo mama jokes

 

and heres the killer

 

Yo birth certificates an apology letter from the condom factory

 

 

Meh few 1/2 pages filled methinks.

[BWare 0]

George. W. Bush is visiting a school where class 3B are discussing the meaning of the word Tragedy. George is asked to head the class for the discussion and he aggrees.

 

Bush asks the class what the word means and little Sally puts her hand up

 

'would it be a Tragedy if a kid got run over in the street?' Sally asked

 

'No' Said Bush 'that would be an accident'

 

Little Jimmy put his hand up

 

'is it a Tragedy when a school bus full of kids went off a cliff and killed everyone?' timmy enquired

 

'No' Said Bush 'That would be a great loss, Can anyone tell me what a Tragedy is?'

 

'I can' Spoke Little timmy from the back of the room 'It would be a Tragedy if Air Force One carrying you and Mrs Bush was shot down and you died.'

 

'YES!' Cried Bush 'And can you tell me why it would be a Tragedy?'

 

'Yes' Said timmy 'Cos it wouldnt be an Accident or a Great Loss'

 

Considering the current war going on, and the fact that that very well could happen, that kind of thing really isn't funny dude.....

[_Gryphon 0]

Yo mamas so fat he dress is the circus tent

 

I don't know about you guys, but most mamas I know aren't "he"s

[BWare 0]

Hehe, that's a whole other joke. Either that or a typo.

[Cygnus X-1 12]

man I hope you copy/pasted that badger, cause thats a whole joke in of itself if you typed all that up

[Guest MadBadger]

Meh, the two big jokes were from another forum and i typed the yo mama ones

 

Its ment to be HER not HE

 

@Bware you know how many safe guards are made when the president flys? the film AirForce one is as close as you will get and im willing to bet its got a whole army of tricks. also..... its a joke FFS.

[Saracen 16]

At the risk of sounding unpopular how about swapping the yo moma jokes with yo president jokes :wink:

 

I got this comment off another forum, it's an opinion of George Bush from a topic highlighting an age old argument of how powerful the USA aparently is.

 

To be honest dude, your president is a joke. I see geroge Bush and I end up laughing. Take a look at 9/11, Iraq, or New Orleans. He's more of a target for his mistakes than a target for assaination by Terrorists. In fact more Terrorists have died laughing at him trying to run America than either suicide bombings or the US army have actually killed.

 

In my opinion the free world sees George Bush as more of a threat to the freedom of democracy than Terrorism itself. In many countries, Like Tony Blair here in the UK, they are more unpopular than Bin Laden himself. Simply put the men in leadership of the USA and the UK are a joke to many!

[rEdaSbLood 1]

u so poor i ate over ur house one nite and asked yo mama wut was for dinner....she put her foot on the table and said CORN

 

u so poor i walked into ur house one day and saw cocaroaches on dirt bikes...(REALLY bad...not wut i thought it'd be)

 

lol @yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry....

 

yo mama so fat they madea movie called "around yo mama in 80 days"

i jus made that one up......not that good....THEYRE ALL TAKEN SHEESH THANX madbadger

 

yo mama's likea hardware store...10c a screw

 

yo mama's likea doorknob...every1 gets a turn

[BWare 0]

@Bware you know how many safe guards are made when the president flys? the film AirForce one is as close as you will get and im willing to bet its got a whole army of tricks. also..... its a joke FFS.

Some jokes aren't funny or are just inappropriate.... understanding that is just a maturity thing. We're in a war against terrorists here dude. The president is a target no matter how much security he has. Remember that these guys managed to knock down the freaking World Trade Center with little more than a couple hijacked planes. Laughing about our president being killed in a time of war..... come on. Grow up.

 

Oh, and Air Force One, I'm pretty sure, is completely fictional :wink:

 

 

 

 

And King... are those your thoughts or what? :roll:

For the faceless quote you threw out there, the writer is obviously a moron. He considers 9/11, the Iraq war, and the natural disaster of Katrina, royally botched by the governor and mayor of New Orleans, to be "mistakes" of Bush's presidency? Are you kidding me? What a moron! It sounds like a 15 year old (give or take) who just learned some fancy new psycho liberal talking points. Oh boy oh boy.

 

Look at it this way, King.... If people actually favor Bin Laden over Bush or Blair- like you say many of them do (:roll:)- then what the HELL is wrong with THEM?? You're definitely looking at it the wrong way.

 

I also ask you to back up the assertion that Bush (the guy responsible for a brand new democracy in Iraq) is more of a threat to democracy than militant Islamo-fascism (convert or die by the sword). Wow. That is really, really, really stupid. Now is that you talking (I really do hope not...) or what? What are you trying to say? :roll:

[Cygnus X-1 12]

At the risk of sounding unpopular how about swapping the yo moma jokes with yo president jokes :wink:

 

I got this comment off another forum, it's an opinion of George Bush from a topic highlighting an age old argument of how powerful the USA aparently is.

 

To be honest dude, your president is a joke. I see geroge Bush and I end up laughing. Take a look at 9/11, Iraq, or New Orleans. He's more of a target for his mistakes than a target for assaination by Terrorists. In fact more Terrorists have died laughing at him trying to run America than either suicide bombings or the US army have actually killed.

 

 

except those werent his fault :roll:

 

Since when does the president control terrorists or the weather. New Orleans was the local Democractic gov fault, not the president. That and all of the idiots who didnt leave when they knew a hurricane was on its way.

 

 

 

Yo mama's so dumb she got lossed in a greenhouse and couldnt see the way out

[BWare 0]

Since when does the president control terrorists or the weather. New Orleans was the local Democractic gov fault, not the president. That and all of the idiots who didnt leave when they knew a hurricane was on its way.

Exactly... especially when you have a cat 5 hurricane bearing down on you, you're below sea level, and your flimsy sea walls are built to withstand maybe a cat 3! Seems like common sense to me. Plus, in terms of response, it's completely the job of the LOCAL government (unless they're incapable and declare a state of emergency, which gets them federal help). It's how our federal system works, and many people just don't understand it. Our federal government's hands are very tied when it comes to state matters, and rightly so! FEMA, the group specifically blamed by morons for slow emergency response, is NOT a first response organization! Their primary job is to coordinate rescue operations after they've begun and that sort of thing.... a supplemental system for communication and so forth. Hell, they have fewer than 1,000 employees nationally!

 

Bottom line: many people have such an irrational hatred (or have just mindlessly jumped on the "me too!" hate Bush bandwagon) for Bush that they actually believe that he should have been there in person, dragging people out of the way of the storm, and that he's a miserable failure for not doing what wasn't his job in the first place!

These people need an education. They need to learn how the government works. They're really just embarrassing themselves, and I'm sick of hearing the same ignorance and hatred repeated over and over again.

 

Meh.

[rEdaSbLood 1]

OK NO POLITICS!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A JOKE TOPIC....im not a moderator but id like to see ALOT less politics and alot more ...um lemme find the word.....JOKES! 8)

[rEdaSbLood 1]

~~so um.....what did the ocean do when he saw the sand?

he waved!! LOL

 

 

~~um why did the blonde nurse takea red marker to work?

in case she had to draw blood

 

~~A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are riding in an elevator. The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a come stain!"

The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a come stain too!"

 

The blonde leans over and licks the spot on the elevator wall, then says, "Yep, but it's nobody from this building."

[BWare 0]

Yeah, sorry to do that redasblood, but when King more or less says that my president is more of a threat to democracy than the terrorists....

 

Very lame. :roll:

 

Sadly, I don't have a really good joke to contribute. I'll try to think of one.....

[rEdaSbLood 1]

well your post will do as a joke for now....

 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

JK had to pull one o those...wouldnt matter who it was

[BWare 0]

Oooooohhhh! Burn!

 

Well played sir. :wink:

[Guest MadBadger]

Yo mamas so old she uses Moses 10 commandment tablets as placemats.

 

Yo mamas so ugly she gives the thing bad dreams.

 

Yo mamas so ugly Fredi Kruger sees her in his dreams.

 

Yo mamas so old and fat shes the 8th wonder of the world.

 

Yo mamas like a can of pringles, once you pop you cant stop.

 

yo mamas like a crack whore...... sorry IS

 

Yo mamas so ugly when she goes to the cinema to see U-Rated films there given a X-rating.

 

Yo mamas so fat n ugly she needs 2 tickets to go to the zoo, 1 to get in and 1 to get out.

 

Yo mamas like a boomerang, you can throw her away as hard as you can and she still comes back for more.

 

Yo mamas so ugly yo dada takes her to work so he dont have to kiss her.

 

Yo mamas so ugly her mama had to tie a steak around her neck just to get the dogs to play with her.

 

 

 

meh, time for a blond joke

 

A Brunette, a Red head and a blond are all facing a firing squad.

 

They lead the Brunette out first take aim but just before they fire she yells out TORNADO! the guards all look around and she escapes.

 

They then lead the Red head out and just before they fire she yells out EARTHQUAKE! the guards all look around and she also escapes.

 

Finaly the Blond is lead out and realising what the others did just before they shoot her she yells out FIRE!

[Cygnus X-1 12]

blonde joke / oldie, but a goodie

 

A blonde and a brunette are falling off a bridge. Who hits the ground first ?

 

The blonde, she had to stop and ask for dirrections :wink:

[Doctor Destiny 41]

There's this blonde and she goes to see her doctor... She says, "Doc, every time I drink 3 martinis, I come home and blow Chunks."

 

The doctor says, "Well, don't drink so much and you should be alright."

 

And she says, "Wait, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."

[TheBlackOut 7]

Fenring... You's gots some explainin to do...

[Tree 0]

What's to explain? Fen condones animal pleasure. It's like PETA. But different.